and because i can't wait to get back to the uk

i'll end a night of theraflu-induced-compulsive-blogging with this 26 days.

want/need

i am not satisfied by this blog template but far too distracted to do anything to change it right now. i needed to get that off my chest in case you were wondering. this evening i'm distracted by a certain felicitous moment which occurred last night as i got home from work. i've spent much of my free time this past week trying to find a way to adopt a stranger for christmas. my preference being that this stranger is the age/size of a youngish child who would otherwise be left off of the list. (i'm speaking, very specifically, about SANTA'S list here, people) lately i'm just blown away by kids: they're so incredible and wise and fragile and ... the potential! the thought of that being quashed by adult things beyond their control just makes me hurt. so i wanted to maybe, possibly, fulfill a wish, remind someone that his world is bigger and less scary than it may seem, and that someone somewhere is pulling for him. the problem? i couldn't find one! where were all of those giving trees i remembered were everywhere this time of year when i was a kid? we didn't have any clients this year to adopt and the ywca just wanted toiletries and canned goods (not that those aren't worthy needs). i was discouraged. and then i got home, opened my mailbox and found a newsletter from the seattle children's home, a local group that provides in-patient treatment for kids with severe developmental and learning disabilities (whose newsletter i have never, ever, seen anywhere, let alone in my mailbox, before yesterday). turns out they want people to adopt their kids for christmas. so 12 hours, two emails later, i have christopher. a 17 year old who loves art and music and who, an SCH staffer tells me, "could really use the extra support this time of year." he wants a discman and some new headphones and some books about drawing animals and cars and some pencils and nice sketchpads. so discman and books and pencils and sketchpads he will get. 'cause when i was 17, that's all i wanted too. and i didn't have things like poverty and disability looming over my head. i'm going to try and find these moments of felicity more often.

oy

i've reached a point where even the thought of graduate school makes me faint. not in swoony kind of way. in a my brain can't handle these options so will just shut down kind of way. is it odd that i'm feeling as if i don't know enough to go back to school? i'm paralyzed by this idea that i haven't yet paid my dues ... that another academe isn't going to solve the world's problems. i went from loathing my job (abusive boss) to loving my job (two incredible bosses + actual intellectual challenge) over the course of the last 9 months or so. aside from no longer being miserable for 8.5 hours a day, i've come to adopt this attitude that action (in regards to the things in this world that irk me most) is not really an option for educated people. my basic needs are taken care of, i'm safe, i'm (relatively) financially secure and (relatively) privileaged; not contributing to the greater good in some way is (i apologize if this sounds militaristic) just gluttonous, maybe even immoral. one of my bosses, who ran the state's largest legal services organization for twenty years (and, rumor has it, won a genius grant), said something to me the other day that stuck. i'll preface this by telling you that a favorite pastime of hers is harassing state legislators, in person, day after day, until they break down and give into her requests for things like increased funding for low-income legal service programs. anyways, she said to me, "katie, i've been doing this for twenty goddamned years and nothing has changed! i was walking down the street the other day and saw a woman walking her dog and wanted to grab her and shake her and yell 'there's no time for dog walking when so many people need our help!'" no i'm not about to start attacking dog walkers (except maybe with hugs) i know that i want a career that inspires in me that kind of passion. and i know that when i receive phone calls from people who are so incredibly disadvantaged (by their own actions, or, more frequently, by no fault of their own) and they don't even have the tools to comprehend how to start to help themselves, i forget about everything and help. i can't not help. so i've narrowed that much down: my education has been my saving grace, my golden ticket. i want to solve the world's problems by empowering people to change their world. i think this starts by educating them. and advocating for the education of those who can't advocate for themselves. that is what i want to do. that is my new mantra. writing that helped. you'd think i'd have learned that after 24 years. ugly betty is eating poutine right now. and i have some chocolate fig greek ice cream to attend to.

THE BEST!

My boss just sent me the following one-sentence email: "I think you are a magician disguised as a normal person." This is why she is my favorite person on earth.

As soon as I pressed "Post"

on that last post, I realized that I didn't even get to the part I planned to write about in the first place. I have three loves in my life (okay, probably many more): one fantasizes about jellyfish, one wears a cat suit, and the other is my piano. Probably the best gift I've ever received; I am a lucky girl. When I was a kid, and it was Christmastime, I would sit at the piano for hours playing carols. Now I find myself nearing my favorite season, without a repertoire of songs to play. I am dying for some Charlie Brown! Unfortunately, Seattle (for being the music-centric city that it is...or says it is) is seriously lacking in the sheet music department. Capitol Music closed last year. I have to go all the way to the 'burbs for my fix. Not cool! But I will do it for you, Vince Guaraldi! In the meantime, I've so totally fallen in love with Yann Tiersen and just about everything he has ever written for the piano. Oy. And since you're well acquainted with the other two, let me introduce you to my third love: