and because i can't wait to get back to the uk

i'll end a night of theraflu-induced-compulsive-blogging with this 26 days.

want/need

i am not satisfied by this blog template but far too distracted to do anything to change it right now. i needed to get that off my chest in case you were wondering. this evening i'm distracted by a certain felicitous moment which occurred last night as i got home from work. i've spent much of my free time this past week trying to find a way to adopt a stranger for christmas. my preference being that this stranger is the age/size of a youngish child who would otherwise be left off of the list. (i'm speaking, very specifically, about SANTA'S list here, people) lately i'm just blown away by kids: they're so incredible and wise and fragile and ... the potential! the thought of that being quashed by adult things beyond their control just makes me hurt. so i wanted to maybe, possibly, fulfill a wish, remind someone that his world is bigger and less scary than it may seem, and that someone somewhere is pulling for him. the problem? i couldn't find one! where were all of those giving trees i remembered were everywhere this time of year when i was a kid? we didn't have any clients this year to adopt and the ywca just wanted toiletries and canned goods (not that those aren't worthy needs). i was discouraged. and then i got home, opened my mailbox and found a newsletter from the seattle children's home, a local group that provides in-patient treatment for kids with severe developmental and learning disabilities (whose newsletter i have never, ever, seen anywhere, let alone in my mailbox, before yesterday). turns out they want people to adopt their kids for christmas. so 12 hours, two emails later, i have christopher. a 17 year old who loves art and music and who, an SCH staffer tells me, "could really use the extra support this time of year." he wants a discman and some new headphones and some books about drawing animals and cars and some pencils and nice sketchpads. so discman and books and pencils and sketchpads he will get. 'cause when i was 17, that's all i wanted too. and i didn't have things like poverty and disability looming over my head. i'm going to try and find these moments of felicity more often.

oy

i've reached a point where even the thought of graduate school makes me faint. not in swoony kind of way. in a my brain can't handle these options so will just shut down kind of way. is it odd that i'm feeling as if i don't know enough to go back to school? i'm paralyzed by this idea that i haven't yet paid my dues ... that another academe isn't going to solve the world's problems. i went from loathing my job (abusive boss) to loving my job (two incredible bosses + actual intellectual challenge) over the course of the last 9 months or so. aside from no longer being miserable for 8.5 hours a day, i've come to adopt this attitude that action (in regards to the things in this world that irk me most) is not really an option for educated people. my basic needs are taken care of, i'm safe, i'm (relatively) financially secure and (relatively) privileaged; not contributing to the greater good in some way is (i apologize if this sounds militaristic) just gluttonous, maybe even immoral. one of my bosses, who ran the state's largest legal services organization for twenty years (and, rumor has it, won a genius grant), said something to me the other day that stuck. i'll preface this by telling you that a favorite pastime of hers is harassing state legislators, in person, day after day, until they break down and give into her requests for things like increased funding for low-income legal service programs. anyways, she said to me, "katie, i've been doing this for twenty goddamned years and nothing has changed! i was walking down the street the other day and saw a woman walking her dog and wanted to grab her and shake her and yell 'there's no time for dog walking when so many people need our help!'" no i'm not about to start attacking dog walkers (except maybe with hugs) i know that i want a career that inspires in me that kind of passion. and i know that when i receive phone calls from people who are so incredibly disadvantaged (by their own actions, or, more frequently, by no fault of their own) and they don't even have the tools to comprehend how to start to help themselves, i forget about everything and help. i can't not help. so i've narrowed that much down: my education has been my saving grace, my golden ticket. i want to solve the world's problems by empowering people to change their world. i think this starts by educating them. and advocating for the education of those who can't advocate for themselves. that is what i want to do. that is my new mantra. writing that helped. you'd think i'd have learned that after 24 years. ugly betty is eating poutine right now. and i have some chocolate fig greek ice cream to attend to.

THE BEST!

My boss just sent me the following one-sentence email: "I think you are a magician disguised as a normal person." This is why she is my favorite person on earth.

As soon as I pressed "Post"

on that last post, I realized that I didn't even get to the part I planned to write about in the first place. I have three loves in my life (okay, probably many more): one fantasizes about jellyfish, one wears a cat suit, and the other is my piano. Probably the best gift I've ever received; I am a lucky girl. When I was a kid, and it was Christmastime, I would sit at the piano for hours playing carols. Now I find myself nearing my favorite season, without a repertoire of songs to play. I am dying for some Charlie Brown! Unfortunately, Seattle (for being the music-centric city that it is...or says it is) is seriously lacking in the sheet music department. Capitol Music closed last year. I have to go all the way to the 'burbs for my fix. Not cool! But I will do it for you, Vince Guaraldi! In the meantime, I've so totally fallen in love with Yann Tiersen and just about everything he has ever written for the piano. Oy. And since you're well acquainted with the other two, let me introduce you to my third love:

christmas time is here

I had every intention this evening of taking you on a virtual tour of my Christmas tree. Instead, I laze-d out and decided to lie on the couch and read "Atonement." I am reading "Atonement" because the movie is about to come out, looks totally hot, and I hate being "the girl who hasn't read the book." So, I'm sitting here reading the aforementioned hot book and it begins to get extremely hot. Hott, you might say/type. Flushed, I diffuse the situation by turning on the television. It is turned to "A Charlie Brown Christmas."* Woah. Suddenly the moment feels quite, um, inappropriate. The crucial lesson here being that when faced with the decision to choose between "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and some hot nudie scene of Ian McEwan's imagination, I will always, always choose Charlie Brown. This is because I love Christmas. So, back to my tree. I was taking pictures in preparation for the tree tour on my bazillion year old camera, which I haven't used since this time last year for the very same purpose, when I discovered some very old pictures of my cat. If you've not met her, you should; I'm quite in love with her and she will change your life. Last year was her very first christmas. I was having second thoughts about showing the pictures I found, but then though, fuck it. If you don't love cute, you are no friend of mine. And so I present, Olivine, aged 4 months. You can now die happy. And this one because, well, obviously. Right, the tree. Here's part. A kiwi from New Zealand. *It should, for some reason, be noted that when I turned on the tv, I was actually kind of secretly hoping Dancing With the Stars was on, because I'm fucking obsessed with Dancing With the Stars of late; and not so secretly kind of hoping that Marie Osmond will break her face mid-ridiculous-too-old-for-cute-uncomfortable-for-all-involved-hip-shake.

generation obama

i wake up to find an invite to a party with barack at the showbox sodo in my email. yes! there! let's gather together, "Generation Obama!" but wait, $100 a head? really? you're going to reach out to my generation (two weeks before christmas, no less) by charging them $100 to attend? really? honey, i don't know many people my age with an extra $100 to throw around whenevs. bummed.

pour moi? s'il vous plait?

"What the French strikers want to ignore ... are the economic facts of the end of the twentieth century: 'global capital,' the 'modern service-based economy,' the 'tough new competitive conditions of the twenty-first century,' all of which, the critics say, can be dealt with only by a more 'flexible' labor market. What the French feel is that for the past half century they have done pretty well by not facing reality -- or anyway, but facing it for one moment and then turning their backs on it for another, in a kind of endless inspired whirl through history. France is a uniquely lovely and supple place to live, and there is a reasonable suspicion here that the British and Americans and the Germans are trying to hustle the French into what is called a liberal paradise, but what no one here is quite convinced is so paradisiacal. Even Bernard Thibault, the secretary-general of the cheminots' union, said not long ago that he was willing to negotiate but that his bottom line was 'Citizens must never be transported like merchandise.' In France though, not even the merchandise is transported like merchandise." -- Adam Gopnik, Paris to the Moon, 1995 Paris, mon petit chou. You know I love you for your strikes. I love you for your love affair with the way things have always been. I love you for your complete disregard of the practical and productive in the name of the Good and the Fair. But, darling, how am I supposed to see you if I can't catch a train? I do hope all will be resolved before December 30th. Then we can celebrate the new year. Bonne Annee! For me? Please?

I need at least 10 good reasons I should not buy this camera

i can't live without one much longer and while my heart really belongs to the leica m8 it costs nearly 1/5 of my yearly income. and i like eating. in the meantime, i'll settle for the leica lens and pretend mine is just as pretty. but back to the task at hand: 10 reasons, people. TEN. I refuse to go on another vacation without a camera. sorry credit card.

babies and babies and babies, oh my!

baby velasco is on his/her way right this second, right over there! (i'm pointing across the street to swedish). i was just poking his/her head on saturday and in a few minutes it's going to be a real THING. babies fascinate me. my maternal instinct is growing (it was stunted there for a while). it's not full-blown "i want one!" phase yet, but i've definitely entered "oh yay! babysitting and baby christmas gift buying!" mode. i need to finish the baby blanket, like, yesterday.

forward movement

in other news: - i finally took my GRE and was kind of astonished to find out that my math skills are MUCH BETTER than my verbal. i've since read about the test a little more and discovered that's kind of the way it is for everyone, so not quite feeling so offended anymore. more importantly, i scored higher than the average scores for students in all of the programs to which i'm hoping to apply. that helps. - after travelling for two weeks and then intensely studying for the following two weeks, i've awarded myself a one week break before diving into the world of applications. this means that my evenings are now mostly divided between sessions of katamari, baby blanket knitting, and studying gluten-free flours. - oh yes, i've gone gluten-free. i think i've mentioned this, but am finding the gravity of this decision so immense in my daily eating that it deserves to be mentioned again. everything i love has goddamned gluten in it. on the bright side, i'm getting to experiment with brown rice flour and sorghum and spelt and my new bread machine ... and discovering that, with a little effort and creativity, gluten-free meals can taste pretty damn good. try my salmon burgers and you'll believe me. - i am cooking some amazing healthy food. my lack of knowledge about vegetables up to this point has been pretty appalling for a, well, vegetarian. embarrassing, i'd say. i just didn't really EAT them. now, they're really the BULK of what i'm eating and i can't believe i went without for so long. in fact, i'm comfortable admitting that i've actually got a bit of an obsession with vegetables at the moment. root vegetables and good old hearty winter ones in particular. last night i made delicata squash rings ... which are my new substitution for french fries. heaven. - i need a camera. and/or i need to reinstall photobooth on my computer. after a summer of one-after-another problems with my mactop, she's finally up and running again, new hard drive and disk drive in tow. she's even running parallels again, like a gem. the point here being, i want to start posting pictures of my alternafoood adventures, so that you'll actually believe that 1) i'm cooking and 2) they don't all look as horrible as they might sound.

a sudden burst of fall

when we left seattle for two weeks to fly to the other side of the earth, where flowers are nearly blooming and days are getting longer in preparation for summer, we missed the gradual introduction to fall taking place in the northern hemisphere. so when we returned, not only were we jetlagged for the first week, but we were waking up in total darkness (or two hours late) to scarf weather and bare trees. vacation was incredible, but i can't help but feel a little bummed that i missed out on my favorite part of fall: yellow leaves, sneaky chilly breezes on an otherwise warmish day. nearly a month later, i am still battling my sleep schedule ... but have acclimated to the chill and my new wool coat. i picked up the copy of "Paris to the Moon" that i've been meaning to read for the past year this morning because a new year's in paris is tentatively scheduled and i need to get in the mood. as if i need to really "get in the mood" when it comes to paris. i'm always in the mood. i've never felt more like home in a foreign place than i did in paris ... or france in general. so, really, reading someone else's love letter to the city is, well, just kind of gluttonous. but it's winter, right? i need to fatten up.

good food

I just enrolled in my first CSA this morning! I'm so excited! So from here on out I will be receiving bi-weekly boxes of fresh, organic, locally-grown fruits and veggies from Full Circle Farm. Food is becoming a bit of an obsession for me; I'm cooking real food for the first time ever and loving exploring with veggies and healthy alternatives. I've gone gluten, white potato, corn and sugar free (the last one gradually ... I crave) as an experiment. Am falling in love with the likes of spelt crackers and curried sweet potatoes and fresh beets. There is a whole world of activists who promote local, community-supported and sustainable agriculture, that I'd never tapped into before. The benefits for farmers and eaters alike are immense. You could argue that agriculture in any form is destructive to the earth, but when it's sustainable and allowed to follow natural patterns and cycles, it's a whole lot less severe. And we are what we eat. I've read "The Omnivore's Dilemma," yes, and you should too. If you're interested in joining a CSA here locally, King County has a great site!