i just came across my last blog post. nine months ago. my first thought was, "oh, things change quickly." but because i'm trying very hard to qualify my thoughts these days, my second thought was "wait, have they really?"
nine months ago i had just finished my first year of graduate school. i'd secured my first two legitimate jobs in education. i moved to a real apartment. the sun was shining. i met a boy.
today, i just finished grad school. i have two more legitimate jobs in education. my apartment remains real. the sun is shining. i lost that boy.
then, transition felt like progress. today, it sometimes feel like treading water. the difference is, i know wholeheartedly, a matter of perspective.
perspective, my constant, constant foe.
breaking into the habit of maintaining perspective is akin to training for a marathon. commitment. persistence. commitment. persistence.
so, now i do both. i run and i think. my stamina for running pales in comparison, at this point, to my stamina for thinking. but one of these days, after three miles of running and thinking, it'll be programmed. because it has to be.
nine months ago i welcomed perspective. right now, i'm afraid of it. because choosing to find perspective means taking control.
and that is a frightening ... and liberating ... thing.
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